Looking Forward

 



With 2012 now nearly 24 hours in the past and 2013  upon us, it would seem the thing to do is take a look back on 2012. However, I feel like I have done quite a bit of that this past year. With so much having happened this year I feel like I have already one a good bit of reflection. If you would like to read those posts you can here and here.

At this point in time I am ready to look forward. I am ready for a new adventure. I am ready to dream, plan, set goals, and draft a map. I'm ready for change.

I'm not entirely sure what exactly I want these goals and plans to look like. I know I will be taking some time off for my shop and drastically reducing my custom spots when I do. I want to focus more on creating as the mood strikes, sewing for my girls, sewing for friends, making what makes me happy, finish the huge pile of WIPs.

I want to focus more on my writing. For The Clutch Guide for The Motherhood Collective for my own blog, and journaling. I want to make a point of being a memory keeper. I love the idea of Project Life. Not sure if I will attempt 365 days strait, but would love to make a habit of at least weekly capturing the stories we are writing now, as well as those that come to mind from the past.

I want to focus more on our home. Not entirely sure what all that means but I I want to declutter our home and make space. Not sure for what, but space is always good. Getting rid of excess helps me breath easier. I also want to be more intentional about what I bring into my home. (Does it serve a purpose, do I already have something that could serve the same purpose ect) I am hoping this will help with being a better steward of both our money and our space.

Ultimately I want to invest in what matters most to us. Our faith, our families, and our friends. I want to live more intentionally and be more aware of how I am using our resources.

What are you goals for 2013?

Weekly Five

1) The drama of the past few weeks has not only ceased but look as though it is all resolved. The money is back in our account, the insurance check came int he mail, the new debit cards arrived, and the brick guy is on his way to fix my house as I type.

2) I started working on my office/studio space this week for real. I am so in love and can't wait to finish!!

3) I won a $100.00 Coach gift card from Coach themselves this week. Hoping it shows up in the mail before I head to Gatlinburg Tennessee and the Coach outlet!!

4)Abi has now completed bother her first and second day of school. First day she cried hysterically when I left. Today she threw a fit when I came to pick her up at half day because "She wanted to stay and rest like the other kids." We may be looking into full day. Thought it was a bit sad to see her take this first step, there is a large part of me that can't help feeling that it all felt so RIGHT!  Abi and I are both so very ready for this stage. She is ready to stretch her wings a bit and I am ready for the freedom and routine that comes from having her in school.

5) I am a bit in shock at how busy and popular my shop has become this season. I actually have people seeking me out to be part of shows ect and it looks like we will sell out of custom spots before the October 15th deadline. I am humbled and encouraged by this. :)

Weekly Five

1. It has been quite a week. The insurance adjuster came out. He approved the higher estimate. (YAY) and supposedly a check was mailed out Thursday. Friday we received a called that some one had stolen both our debit card number and pin number. If it's not one thing it's another.


2. I finally realized just how much stress all this has been causing me when I broke down while out with friends. Good news is I have amazing friends who love me and have been walking through this with us with so much grace.

 


3. The Goose Beary Shop is growing and changing and stretching. As is this Blog. Lots of growing pains as I work through where I want to go and branding myself. So much to think about.

 


4. I took the last of the wall paper off of the guest room walls and it is all ready for primer and paint. I am so excited we moving forward on this. :)

 


5. I really haven't been feeling like myself lately. So much stress and so much is going on and changing. I am trying to take time to slow down, unplug, process, and have a bit more grace with myself.

Does It Get Easier?

Since miscarrying our baby back in February a friend has had a still born baby, another friend miscarried and a former member of our Sunday school class miscarried.  The other day the friend who miscarried was asking me if it got any easier. With out thinking I wrote a her a reply that I hoped would help. It wasn't until later that I realized I was writing exactly what I wish some one had said to me 6 months ago. What I still wish more people would come out and say. And so, as hard as it is I am putting this out there, for those of you who may be wondering "Does it get better."

It does get a bit easier. But not as soon as every one else thinks it has and not as soon as you wish it would. There are still moments when it's hard for me. Have grace with yourself. It's ok to be sad. You lost a child. Maybe not one you have held, but one you loved none the less. It's ok to say no to things. It's ok to excuse yourself from situations. I've ducked out of gatherings a number of times because it's just too hard. But it does, oh so slowly, get easier.

Photo Credit http://www.sincerelylizblog.com

Does It Get Easier?

Since miscarrying our baby back in February a friend has had a still born baby, another friend miscarried and a former member of our Sunday school class miscarried.  The other day the friend who miscarried was asking me if it got any easier. With out thinking I wrote a her a reply that I hoped would help. It wasn't until later that I realized I was writing exactly what I wish some one had said to me 6 months ago. What I still wish more people would come out and say. And so, as hard as it is I am putting this out there, for those of you who may be wondering "Does it get better."

It does get a bit easier. But not as soon as every one else thinks it has and not as soon as you wish it would. There are still moments when it's hard for me. Have grace with yourself. It's ok to be sad. You lost a child. Maybe not one you have held, but one you loved none the less. It's ok to say no to things. It's ok to excuse yourself from situations. I've ducked out of gatherings a number of times because it's just too hard. But it does, oh so slowly, get easier.

Photo Credit http://www.sincerelylizblog.com

Remembering

My scar was bothering me last night. Nothing serious. Just a little sore and tender. It still stings on occasion. Mostly when I've had Mouse on my lap all day. She wiggles and squirms and rubs against the scar that bears witness to my love for her. Every time I catch a glimpse of the bright purple addition to my anatomy, my mind is flooded with a million thoughts. It is a constant reminder to me. A reminder of the terrifying procedure I went through to bring my Mouse into this world. A reminder of her reluctance to enter this world. A reminder of the million changes both physical and emotional that I have gone through the past year.
Weeks before the expected arrival date, Josh and I sat down and wrote out a detailed list of our wishes during labor and delivery. It included a dozen little details on everything from who we wanted in the room with us (no one) to Josh cutting the umbilical cord and how soon we would want to try breast feeding (in the first hour).
It was two days after my due date and two minutes into my doctor’s appointment when my water broke. We rushed to the hospital and because we were originally intending to go to the grocery store and not the hospital, we were not in the least prepared. My bag wasn't fully packed much less waiting in the back of the car, and the birth plan we had so carefully constructed wasn't even printed out. Not that it mattered. We arrived at the hospital sometime around 10 a.m .and what ensued in the next 25 hours had nothing to do with my carefully constructed plan.
Because my water had broken, I had to have monitors on at all times which meant that walking the halls or using the jets in the bath tub was out of the question. I was in so much pain I soon forgot my desire to have no one but Josh in the room with me and was relieved to have his mother there to coach us both through the contractions.
My original plan was to have a natural birth. When labor started slowing down 17 hours after my water broke, that plan was thrown out the window. Pitosin and an epidural were ordered. I pushed for two hours, but Mouse still didn't want to show. I had wanted to avoid a c-section at all costs. I was terrified of being cut open, I wanted to see my baby as soon as possible, and with no insurance the expense of surgery sent me into a mild panic attack. With tears threatening to spill down my face, I made the choice to throw out the last of our plans. It was one of the hardest and easiest decisions I've ever made.
Though I hope to never go through that experience again, I wouldn't change it for the world. Those 25 hours of labor are some of the sweetest hours in our marriage. We leaned on each other more intensely than ever before. It deepened our bond in a way I never expected. Even more unexpected, however, was the effect it had on our walk with God. Like so many other moments during the pregnancy, God had stripped away everything we could have used as a crutch. All of our plans failed, and we were left with the perfect plan of our Father.