Giving Thanks

Psalm 37:25
I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.

 


Thanksgiving ALWAYS preceded the miracle.

 


Choosing to give thanks, knowing He will provide.



Choosing to see life through the eyes of saints and poets.

30 Before 30.

 

 



So tomorrow is my birthday and I finally finished making my 30 before 30 list. It was harder than I thought. Trying to come up with 30 things I wanted to do in the next year that were PRACTICAL and DOABLE. I mean sure there are a TON of things I would love to do but for various reasons (money, baby coming this summer) it's just not possible. But eventually I did it! The interesting thing is, without meaning to I ended up picking a LOT Of things that fit well with my new years goal.

2013 Goals:

To be more intentional...

*In relationships

*In finances

*At home

*In memory keeping.

Not everything fell into one of these four categories but a lot did. So without further ado....

30 Before 30

Personal:

1. Memorize 30 verses.

2. Read, finish, or get rid of all MY unread books.

3. Fill up my half-used journals/smashbooks.

4. Sew the Super Tote pattern by Noodlehead.

5. Do one Show.

6. Make 500 things.

7.  Cook a recipe a month off of my pinterest boards.

8. Visit Bush Garden's again.

9. Submit an article to be published in a magazine.

10. Plant SOMETHING.

11. Learn How to drive stick shift.

12. Try at least 6 tutorials off of my pinterest boards.

Relationships:

13. Invite our neighbors over for a cook out.

14. See one of my far away friends again. (Missy, Amber, Mary, Andrew, Laura, Colleen)

15. Go away with Josh for a night.

16. Send 30 snail mail letters.

17. Go away with friends/sister for a weekend.

Finances:

18. Pay off 3 debts.

19. Save $1,000.

Home.

20. Establish some of my favorite childhood traditions in my family.

21. Purge 100 things from my house.

22. Plant SOMETHING.

Memory Keeping/Blogging:

23. Attend a class/seminar/conference to improve my blogging.

24. So SOMETHING with all my photos.

25. Learn how to really use my camera.

26. Post a tutorial on my blog.

27. Write/Finish a list of 1,000 gifts.

28. Spend a day taking a photo every hour.

28. Take the same photo once a month for a year.

29. Take a photo a day.

30. Blog every day for a month.

I am great at  making lists but not very good at sticking to them, so we shall see how it goes. I've actually already broken a lot of the goals down into smaller ones, like how many verses I need to memories each month and how many cards I need to write so that I don't get to next April and realize I'm really behind. As always with me one lists leads to another so I am already making a decent dent on number 3 as I make list after list.

What would be on your list for the next year of your life?

Birth

I had a couple posts planned but last week but life happened and they just didn’t. Last Sunday I sat down to write about my Birth Story  for another blog I write for. The Motherhood Collective is a great Mothering Blog. I am definitely different from most of their writers, which is one of the things I love about writing for them. I like getting to be a voice from another point of view, and love that they encourage that and seek to minister to and build up moms from all walks of life and parenting philosophies.

It was an interesting process to look back and work through what was going on in my mind that day five and a half years ago. All of that was definitely still fresh in my mind when we met with my doctor on Tuesday to discuss C-section number three. We were presented with a LOT of information on repeat c-sections and consecutive pregnancies.  There was a lot of information and suggestions to processes and I think that's what I spent most of last week doing. Most of my brain power last week was used to sort through and filter all the options.

The result of a lot of thinking is that we might actually try for a V-BAC this time. Obviously there is a chance it won't work, but this is my last chance to try, and for the sake of my health and my husband and I am willing to give it a go. Of course, it will only work if I go into labor naturally, on my own, before my scheduled c-section on August 1st. There's a lot of "ifs" involved, but it is assuring to know that whatever the outcome of it all my God is in control and so much bigger than all of this.

In the process of writing my birth story and sorting through photos to get them printed I stumbled across a bunch of pictures from the girls first weeks. They were just to cute NOT so share!

 

 

Maddie Goose.

"Teddy Bear" (as she now insists on being called)

Cannot wait to meet our Tacy Rae!

Noticing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is so easy to look around at our life and think "This isn't what I signed up for" or "How did I get here?"

We look at our big plans. We look at our facebook feed. We look at our favorite blogs. We wondered what happened. We wonder why we don't have the life we so desperately want when every one else makes it look so easy.

The funny thing is, I think if most of us slowed down and looked around we would realize that we are in fact living the life we wanted. Our lives, for the most part, aren't that different from the blogs we drool over. We bake, we take walks, we go for ice cream, we do special activities with our kids. The difference between our lives and the lives of the people on the other side of the glowing screen and polished blogs is documenting. The ONLY way that "other" woman is different from us is that she taking the time to notice, document, and dwell on the little moments. She takes time to make much the life's small celebrations.

Like ice cream for dinner on a hot Thursday night.

Baby's in diapers on hand-made quilts.

A big jar of pop beads.

A baby dedication.

The first watermelon of the season (even if it is a bit early).

Hot dog fingers.

So here is to noticing my life more. Lifting up prayers of gratitude for simple moments. And capturing the beauty in the mundane.

Lessons from the Kitchen

I love baking. I especially love baking bread. There is something about being up past my wrists in dough that just brings me peace and contentment. The Holidays in particular bring out in me the need to fill my home with the aroma of rising bread. They say that scent is one of the strongest memory triggers. I know this to be true. The simple scent of certain bread products that flood my mind with images and moments from my childhood.



Any time I cook my little one's want to be part of the processes. Maddie especially wants to be part of whatever is going on. If I am baking their desire to participate is even more intense. Either because they want to eat the cookie or play with the bread dough. So often my first instinct is to brush them off. Our kitchen is small and there isn't a lot of extra space for little ones. But something about this time made me pause. And so I took a deep breath, scooted over, and taught them how to brush butter onto the paper-thin dough before I rolled it into crescent shapes.  I explained how to place the rolls on the baking sheet (though that clearly went over their heads).

Some where along the way I looked down and instead of seeing my hands forming the rolls, but my mothers. Instead of the voice of my daughters I heard my own childish voice asking to help and in that moment I was reminded of the connection to the women in my family. My mother, my sisters, my aunts, my grandmothers. The women who came before (if only by a few years) and have made their way into the every day of my life.

There is quote by that I fell in love with years ago. Pearl Mae Bailey

"My kitchen is a mystical place, a kind of temple for me. It is a place where the surfaces seem to have significance, where the sounds and odors carry meaning that transfers from the past and bridges to the future."

This is why I love to bake. Because, in the mixing of flour, and water, and eggs, I am connected for the women who came before me, and helping to form the little ones who will come up after me. And some day they will look down at their hands and see mine, and my mother's and my Grandmother Hazels and know that they are part of a beautiful heritage of strong, capable women who lived lives marked by love.

Rambelings

I'm not sure what it is, but every time I sit down to write I just can't quite bring myself to actually do it. Nothing seems to flow quit as easily as I would like. Maybe it's this nasty cold settling in my chest, maybe it's my weird sleeping schedule lately, or maybe I'm just to lazy to put in the real work of writing.

It's easy to say "I write" or "I blog" but just saying those things doesn't make it so. Real writing happens when you are willing to put in the time, day in and day out. When you sit down and take pen to paper (or fingers to key board) even when your mind feels blank. And so today that's what I am doing. Simple writing, because not writing doesn't feel right.



As you might remember I did a post sponsored by Tinyprints a while back. I finally ordered my products and got them in the mail this week!



I wasn't sure I was going to keep the calendar notebook for myself so I put a favorite family saying on it rather than my name. As soon as I opened it up I new I would have to keep it!



It's so bright and colorful. I normally like weeks laid out and you can get that if you get the Erin Condrin Life Planner. Because it doesn't have the weekly break down I'm not sure I'll use it as a planner or if it will be more of a catch all for lists and deadlines ect. Either way I truly do love it!!



I may not be writing much here but I am writing daily. I have been participating in 30 Days of Thank You and I have been writing a thank you note every day to some one I treasure. It's been so much fun.



I've also been journaling on a pretty regular basis. I've been processing through the misscairiage a lot and am almost ready to share some of my thoughts in this space. I've also been writing for a few other blogs!

You can read about how having 5 women in my family suffer from cancer has changed how I live my life over at The Clutch Guide.

I will also be writing for The Motherhood Collective a few times a month starting this month. My first post doesn't go up for a few more weeks but if you want to check out their blog they are doing a give away featuring The Goose Beary Shop!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I'll be back soon with thoughts on my Abi Bear turning 5!!

He Loves Me

Hello There,

So sorry for my absence. I am still here, though clearly not doing the 31 Day Challenge any more.  I didn't really think it through and this just wasn't the time to commit to something that. Our due date was a few days ago and while I want to write on that eventually I am just not ready yet. I have been spending a lot of time just being quiet. Thinking, reflecting, and just being. I am still doing Onetober though.



This is today's look. I was running late so my hair is not at all styled, and I am wearing no make up whatsoever. I ran out the door with out a jacket so ended up wearing one of Josh's Mr. Roger's sweaters. And I love everything about this picture. It's not glamorous or polished but it is so very real right now.

Josh was taking the pictures today and I feel like you can tell that. I was just being me. The thing is, I haven't felt like "me" in a while. Josh always brings out the best in me though and I feel like that comes through. No matter how I am feeling or what is going on he is my biggest fan and best cheerleader. He points out my strengths and builds me up in areas that need work. I'm so blessed to have him in my life and have some one who loves me even when I'm not feeling quite myself. :)

Traveling Goodies

Last week I pulled Bear out of school and loaded her and Maddie up in the van with my in-laws and we headed to Gatlinburg, Tn. I grew up going to Branson Missouri so it feels so much like "home" to me I love it. Downside is the drive. It's not THAT far but 5-6 hours with preschool age kids can feel like forever. So, I packed them goodie bags. I thought I would share what I packed for them in case any one is look for ideas. Sorry for the bag photos they are camera pics at 4:00 am!





For starters I took them to Barnes and Noble with me so they could pick out their own book ect. Once we bought the books we took them home and I let them look at them but not actually play with them (They are activity books). By the time the trip came around they were super excited to use the books.



Of course I couldn't leave without a couple goodies for myself. Even big girls like sticker books and this doll house sticker book is such a fun way to be creative without any real work. The book on the other hand was a major disappointment. While it had a great concept it felt really trashy and I ended up throwing it out after three chapters. :(



Ok so it's a horrible picture, but here's what I put in each bag.

*Sticker Book. I really prefer ones that are more like paper dolls or scenes as apposed to just random stickers and blank pages. I feel like it allows them to be creative but still follow directions.

*Magnetic book. Same idea as the sticker books but magnetic paper dolls.

*A 31Bags fold and go organizer with new mini coloring book, wind up crayons, and stickers.

* Their LeapPad/Leapster with fresh batteries.



*In side pockets they each had a full sports bottle with juice and the other side pocket was full of snacks. Front pocket had a ziplock bag for their trash.



Front pocket also had an extra specials surprise for each. I have been participating in doll swaps online for the past year and I saved two special dolls for this trip. They loved their "trip buddies".



And of course Mama's bag with snacks, lap top, nook, book, sticker book, head phones, iPhone, 3DS. Lol yeah I may have a technology problem!

Hope this gave you some idea for traveling with kiddos. Another essential for us is Kids Dramamine. No one got sick the entire time!

Weekly Five

1) The office is mostly done. Just need to move the futon in, take down the paint along the ceiling and put on some finishing touches. But all in all it is done and usable and I am loving it as is Maddie. It's currently her favorite room. As I type this she is walking runaway across the room singing what I think is supposed to be "Ta-da" but is coming out "tana".

2) The first full week of school went great. Bear cried when I picked her up on Monday because she wanted to stay like the rest of the kids. Thursday I let her stay and realized while it may be fine once a week we are not ready for full day all the time yet. She took a nap at nap time and Mrs. Roberts said she had a hard time waking her up. You could tell and she was crabby for me the rest of the day. Goose is going to my friends house two days a week. Leave it to me to find some one else to home school my kid. Angie enjoys having the set schedule, Maddie enjoys doing flash cards, and I enjoy having a few hours a week all mine to write and work on shop stuff. Actually getting some custom orders wrapped up and out the door!

3) Josh sold quite a few Mazda 3s in August which meant a nice bonus and he showed up Friday night with a new lap top for me!!

4) Josh and I have been talking a lot lately about the miscarriage and how so many people stories end with "but then I got pregnant with so and so...." While that is beautiful and I know all things work together, that isn't turning out to be our story. And that is ok. We have a but then, but for now any ways it doesn't include another child. It's more like "But then God filled our lives with good things. We still are sad we don't get to meet that child. But life is good and so is our God." and it's a place we are ok with being, for now.

5) We went to Busch Gardens on Sunday. Just a day trip which was a blast till the three hour drive home at 8 pm. But all in all so glad we went. We took his parents and were able to spend some good time together as well as all doing our own thing. A pretty good end to summer!

Does It Get Easier?

Since miscarrying our baby back in February a friend has had a still born baby, another friend miscarried and a former member of our Sunday school class miscarried.  The other day the friend who miscarried was asking me if it got any easier. With out thinking I wrote a her a reply that I hoped would help. It wasn't until later that I realized I was writing exactly what I wish some one had said to me 6 months ago. What I still wish more people would come out and say. And so, as hard as it is I am putting this out there, for those of you who may be wondering "Does it get better."

It does get a bit easier. But not as soon as every one else thinks it has and not as soon as you wish it would. There are still moments when it's hard for me. Have grace with yourself. It's ok to be sad. You lost a child. Maybe not one you have held, but one you loved none the less. It's ok to say no to things. It's ok to excuse yourself from situations. I've ducked out of gatherings a number of times because it's just too hard. But it does, oh so slowly, get easier.

Photo Credit http://www.sincerelylizblog.com

Does It Get Easier?

Since miscarrying our baby back in February a friend has had a still born baby, another friend miscarried and a former member of our Sunday school class miscarried.  The other day the friend who miscarried was asking me if it got any easier. With out thinking I wrote a her a reply that I hoped would help. It wasn't until later that I realized I was writing exactly what I wish some one had said to me 6 months ago. What I still wish more people would come out and say. And so, as hard as it is I am putting this out there, for those of you who may be wondering "Does it get better."

It does get a bit easier. But not as soon as every one else thinks it has and not as soon as you wish it would. There are still moments when it's hard for me. Have grace with yourself. It's ok to be sad. You lost a child. Maybe not one you have held, but one you loved none the less. It's ok to say no to things. It's ok to excuse yourself from situations. I've ducked out of gatherings a number of times because it's just too hard. But it does, oh so slowly, get easier.

Photo Credit http://www.sincerelylizblog.com

Saturday: Sucesses and Fails.

This is one of those blog posts that has been rolling around in my head all day. It has taken on many forms and types of content. My original post was about the fun and relaxing things I did on Saturday. And then things went horrible wrong. I was tempted to go ahead with the happy go lucky post, but then I paused.

I was having a conversation earlier this week with some friends about the pitfall of blogging or really having any online presence It is so easy to present just a slice of life. The part that we choose for others to see. Because of that it is so very easy to project a the idea that we have it all together. That everything in our life is perfect and we have it all together.

I don't think most bloggers do this intentional I think it's a byproduct of choices we make. I personally chose to share the positive things in my life. I do this for two reasons.

1) No one wants to read a blog, follow some one on facebook, or subscribe to a twitter feed of a cranky person.

2) I have a tendency to be a negative person and blogging has helped me focus on the good things in my life. It has given me a place to celebrate the little things.

But some times the best thing you can do is be transparent. To be honest about the bad and ugly in life.

So here we go:

Today started out great. I spent the morning at home a lone with a a whole screen full of free book samples on my Nook and now I have a nice long list of books I can't wait to read. After bombing the house for fleas (third treatment). I then headed out to meet up with my mother-in-law and the girls. We went to a yard sale and I got 5 gifts for $3.00 dollars. AMAZING!!

I also got to see the magazine I'm writing for out around town. So much fun.

After hitting up some sales we went back to my mother in laws place and I did some working on projects. Finished up a doll and started working on a new style. I am in love with them.

Then we went home and in the ten minutes I spent downstairs on the computer reading about BlogHer12 Maddie emptied the entire jug of sweet tea on the floor. Wouldn't have been so bad, except I lost it. I completely and utterly lost my temper with her. And continued to do so as she attempted to "help" cook dinner. I wanted to shut myself up in the bathroom but I was worried about what else she might do.

Eventually I calmed down and realized that some day I will be sad. Some day she won't want to help. Some day I'll be wishing she was there to lay on the floor in the kitchen and play with the kitty. So I pulled our the flour and butter and let the girls make shortbread cookies. Something they could help with without making to much of a mess.

It wasn't perfect, but it was our day. A day in our adventure and I'm thankful for it.

Bucket List Update

It's been such a full and busy summer it feels like. And yet when I look at the girls bucket list hardly anything is checked off!! Some things just aren't going to happen. The zoo and Abi visiting my sister probably won't take place as schedules have changed and shrinky dinks are hard to find!. However, many of the things can still happen. Today I am printing out paper dolls and letting the girls work with my markers (GASP!) I got an ice cream maker from my parents and ordered a fun doll pattern to make dolls with the girls. This weekend the girls are staying three nights with Grandma and Grandpa. Then it's time to get to work staying home and having fun!

Girls Summer Bucket List

o   Zoo

o   Finger paints

o   Water fight

o   Make Popsicles

o   Dollar Movies

o   Splash Park

o   Make ice cream

o   Sidewalk chalk

o   Photo booth

o   Bean Bag Toss

o   Fireworks

o   Make Shirts

o   Library

o   Potato stamps

o   Farmers market

o   Art project

o   Make Cards

o   Pillow fort

o   Mini golf

o   Sprinkler

o   Visit Grandma and Papa

o   Visit Nana

o   Visit Aunt Tabi (Abi)

o   Visit Aunt Marge

o   Cereal Necklace

o   Sleep in tent

o   Play Dates

o   Twister

o   Make Pizza

o   Make Box Car

o   Download games on Nook

o   Make Cookies

o   Plant Something

o   Play Memory

o   Collage

o   Picnic

o   Mommy Mummy

o   Build-a-Bear

o   Fun Center

o   Shrinky Dinks

o   Go Swimming

o   Bubbles

o   Paper Dolls

o   Make a doll

o   Fairy Jar

Let's Go to the Fair

Friday night we headed to the Salem County Fair. I loved the fair of as a kid and have fun memories as a child and teen going with friends and family. I was so excited to take my kids! The Salem fair is an open gate fair and has free parking which means getting in costs nothing. Granted you can spend a fortune once you get in, but we were able to it pretty cheap.

Personally I was most excited about the exhibits, but was rather dissapointed in those. Nothing like the one back home, but all in all we still had a good time. We bought twenty tickets and took the girls on their first ferris wheel  ride.

As you can see Maddie loved it!

Abi's favorite part was the free petting zoo. We got to see and touch all kinds of animals. We even got to see two baby goats that were less than 24 hours old. So sweet.

We gave each of the kids ten dollars to spend on food or junk or games. But is started raining to we skipped out early and hit up Sweet Frog for dinner. All in all a summer highlight.

What have some of your summer highlights been so far?